These days, people have such different ideas about what it means to be dating and what it means to be in a relationship, so it can sometimes be hard to know where you stand with someone you’ve been spending a lot of time with.
If you suspect that the guy you’re hanging out with or crushing on isn’t interested in a serious relationship with you, and that’s something that you do want and have been hoping for, it’s best to just ask him about it directly.
That’s truly the only way you’re going to get a definitive answer.
But in the meantime, as you prepare yourself for that conversation, here are some strong signs to look out for that suggest he doesn’t want a relationship and what to do if that’s the case.
1. He hasn’t mentioned anything about wanting to be in a relationship.
Have you ever heard this guy talk fondly about the idea of being in a serious relationship, enjoying having a steady partner, and being committed to one person? Or does he (or his friends) laugh at the idea of him being in a real relationship?
If the idea of him liking those things feels at odds with what you know about him and his personality, that’s probably a sign that you know on a gut level that he’s not a “relationship guy.”
And if the subject of how he feels about relationships hasn’t come up yet? Ask him directly and see what he says.
2. He dodges or brushes off any conversations about defining the relationship.
If you’ve been talking to or hanging out with this guy for a while, but he constantly shuts down any attempt at defining the relationship, that’s a sign that he probably doesn’t want one. A person who intentionally avoids the “DTR talk” usually does so because they prefer the vagueness (and often the presumed nonexclusivity that comes with it).
What’s more, if he makes you feel guilty for wanting to clarify what’s going on between you two, he is already signaling that he doesn’t want to be responsible for your emotional needs or meeting your expectations.
You shouldn’t be the only one trying to figure out where things are going. If he’s not thinking about it, it’s likely because he’s not interested in it going anywhere at all.
3. He’s pretty vague about what he’s looking for.
Even when you do try to talk about what’s going on between the two of you, he avoids offering any specifics about what he wants. He might make excuses such as saying he likes taking things slow or has a lot going on right now, or he may say he just wants to see where things go with the two of you.
Those things may be true for him, but the issue is when these things are said without giving any indication about whether a committed relationship could ever truly be on the table.
Usually if someone is open to a serious relationship, they’ll be pretty upfront about that when asked about it. A person who wants to date you seriously will not hesitate to tell you once you’ve directly asked them about it.
If they aren’t willing to say one way or the other whether they’re open to a long-term commitment with you, it’s often a sign that it’s not something they’re that interested in at the moment.
People often choose to be vague about their intentions when they think the other person won’t like what they hear.